I had the difficult conversation at work today. I was so nervous because I hate confrontations and difficult conversations, but I do it because sometimes my work demands it and sometimes I do it for myself. Here is what happens – when I am not able to communicate my thoughts things keep adding up till I am ready to burst. I tend to get passive aggressive. Over time I have realized that it is best to let things out of my system and deal with the consequences – at least I tried the mature way. So yes I had the difficult conversation – it was fine because I did not say anything negative and focused on the positive stuff. The relief and reduction in stress that I felt was so immense, although I don’t know how the person took it so there is still some uncertainty. But I am hopeful because I have a soft corner for her and she is a nice person.
The conversation reminded me of something else that happened years ago. When I first started working in this country, I had a manager who was obsessive-compulsive and insecure as hell. He wanted me to run everything by him before doing anything, and yet complained when I did not think outside the box. He constrained my creativity and I was terrified of doing anything wrong. The work was painfully boring as well at times. Gradually I found the work and the place mind-numbingly painful, and I hated going to work, and yet I was terrified of being late. The guy was crazy. He wanted me to come in every single day and leave a voicemail saying “today is Monday, (month) (date). I am either on the phone of away from my desk…. bla bla bla”. Every single day. I used to do that while driving to work, and he told me that I had to do it after coming to work so as to not give the idea that I am in when I am not. He wanted me to send emails a certain way. Whenever I forgot to say my name when I picked up the phone when he called he went crazy. I was miserable and every single day typed out my resignation letter to leave. AM was sad seeing me like that. I did not have the courage to leave without having another job. I tried talking to the guy but he took it personally and became worse. Then my manager changed and although the new one was a talker, he was so good. It was such a refreshing change. But by then I could not work there anymore and left after finding something else.
Anyway, that was a bad bad experience, and I am not the only one – a bad manager is reason # 1 for turnover. I really hope I never have to work for such a dictator ever!
