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Archive for April, 2015

My adorable boys are 2 years old, a big milestone. I see changes in them everyday. They are learning and growing, learning to be more expressive and empathetic. Today Aadi didn’t want me to cut his nail but obliged with his father. I was a little upset and felt like why doesn’t he want his mom to do it anymore, and AM was a bit nervous since he has never done it. So he wanted me to do it. I looked at Aadi feeling a bit upset, he gave me his charming adorable smile which I didn’t return showing that I was upset, his smile faded which broke my heart, as I was going to reach out to him to make him feel that it is ok, he looked at me and walked over to me and gave me his hands to cut his nails. My heart melted and I teared up a bit, wondering if I am teaching him to put himself second and feeling a tad guilty about it, but also feeling so nice like he cares about my feelings. He is only two but understands everything. It was just so sweet, I can’t stop thinking about it and feeling a burning in my heart for having caused him any little pain that made his smile fade, and yet feeling wanted and loved by him.

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways. Previously, kids seemed like such a nuisance. Now, when I see kids throwing tantrums I feel for the parents and I like children in general. Somehow parenthood unites you like nothing else. Before motherhood, I nit-picked about people; now, I get along with a lot of parents on the common ground that my kids are happy with their kids. You kind of feel like in the same boat and supportive of each other. I didn’t expect motherhood to change me so much. I also find pleasure in small things, like recognizing words my kids are learning, small things that make them smile like a lollipop (wowwipop), excitement in going to the zoo and showing them different animals and teaching them in general. I am learning to be very patient, and my toddlers, both of them, test my patience to the maximum. I am trying to change a lot just to deal with tantrums better. It is easy to just walk out or yell back, but a lot harder to just try to understand them, take a deep breath, and be patient. But I am happy, in a way I never was in my job or any other relationship. I feel truly happy!

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