Protests in India continue… and my blood boils

Delhi protests

Protests in India continue, with ample police and additional forces brought in to contain the masses. Police started beating protestors including women, and charged with tear gas and water pipes. So government has enough policemen to beat masses but not enough to protect women? They even shut down some metro stations so people could not go and protest, emergency was declared to prevent people from coming out, but people still protested and went, they still camped out the entire night in the cold. The Prime Minister comes out finally and addresses the nation, with his expressionless statements about how he has 3 daughters – 3 daughters who are well protected with ample security. I want every single politician’s office to be burned down, masses to take justice into their own hands, march to the police station, drag the rapists out and castrate them and let them be on the road. I want women everywhere to deal with rapes by castrating the men involved. One village, angered by this incident, took matters into their own hands. For years 4 young men had been eve-teasing women. So 40 of them marched ahead and killed them, then surrendered to the police. All 40 of them are in lock-up.

Not 24 hours passed since this incident when rapes continue, so disgusting. The husband of the owner of a playschool raped a 3 year old girl along with her other schoolmates. Another 4 year old was raped, and police didn’t register the case till the mother brought a party of people. A woman in Tripura, mother of 5-year old, was dragged out of her house and gang-raped in public while onlookers watched on, afterwards she was beaten brutally, naked, and tied to a tree. What the hell is going on? For how long will this go on? Every 20 minutes someone is raped in India, NOTHING is done about it, absolutely nothing. Villages have been raped including a pregnant woman who gave birth 4 days later to a kid with a fractured arm, and reports were modified so accused went scot free. When the Mayans said that the world is ending, this is what they meant.

My blood boils so so so much reading these reports. I read a post yesterday that reflected on the Indian culture – this is not about sex, its about men’s egos and wanting to humiliate a woman who they feel is inferior to them. For years India has been plagued by dowry, foeticide/female infanticide, and what not. Men’s parents want dowry and sons because they feel that they have invested in their sons so somehow women’s parents owe them compensation, and they expect sons to take care of them. Now that women are earning, and that income shifts to the guy and his family, MEN SHOULD PAY WOMEN DOWRY. Why should women pay dowry in addition to their income? Indians pray to Goddesses, why doesn’t that translate into RESPECT FOR WOMEN? What is the point of praying to the Goddesses when in your very home women are treated differently?

TV shows in India are mainly about how women stay at home and play household politics, their job is to take care of the men. The God Ram that we pray to, himself banished his wife into exile because she was kidnapped by Ravana, his advisors were concerned that she had become “polluted”. The Upanishads also have quotes about forcing women. When someone talks about Indian culture and values, I have no idea what it means today. When I hear my elders talking about “culture”, and saying Americans have no culture, I want to ask them today – the same culture that says women are inferior to men, that encourages dowry, rapes, and foeticide? Is this what we drove the British out for, independence?

Why should in-laws expect the woman to have extra “duties” compared to the son? Why should the woman have to sacrifice more? Why? Why should there be restrictions on what women should wear, and how late they should stay at night? How about having men keep it in their pants? So many Indians blame the woman for “provoking and attracting” men to rape. WHY? Personally, I have decided to follow a zero tolerance policy. I intend to make sure that anyone I meet, including my elders, will not speak of how women need to do this and that because I will not stand for it.

I have grown up in a culture where I kept hearing how I have to take care of my husband, make him happy, mould myself to his needs, take care of in-laws, etc. Of course I rebelled against this, but it took me a few years to completely feel confident in my independent thoughts. Today where I stand, I have no tolerance for all this. So when I hear that I need to do this and that, I question it, I only do it if it is not expected of me just because I am a woman. My blood boils so much reading all the news reports about women’s treatment in India that if someone were to ever say anything that indicated that women are “inferior”, I think I would bite their head off.

I can talk and talk till I am hoarse and feel myself boiling, but I have no idea what to do other than sign petitions online. Had I been in India, I would have marched with the people and protested as well. In the US, I don’t know what to do. India recently opened up foreign investment for retail, I feel like contacting these companies on refusing to invest in India till there are stricter rape laws and stronger changes are made in government and police. How do I go about it?

Is US any better? Yes, much better in terms of laws and police, and the government. Much better. I feel much safer here. However, for women, especially when it comes to corporate, it is still hugely lacking. Maternity leave required is only 3 months and that also not necessarily paid. Some corporations have only 6-8 weeks maternity. On average, women don’t make as much money as men. The culture does not favor women’s taking a break and returning to work. So from that perspective, this country is hugely lacking and surprisingly is not in the top 10 list of most politicians. In fact, some politicians are even against abortion. Things need to start changing for women everywhere.

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Delhi the “Rape Capital”

Delhi rape crisis

Delhi was officially crowned the “Rape Capital” of India, and the horrors continue. Delhi has the highest number of rape cases, surpassing 600 per year, and this is only for cases that are reported – many go unreported due to social stigma associated with rape. It is absolutely disgusting. So on average, 2 women are raped per day in Delhi alone, and that is just for reported rapes. Per statistics, for every rape reported in India, 50 cases go unreported.

On Dec 16, a woman was beaten and brutally raped, so much so that her vagina and small intestine are completely ruined, she is still in the hospital fighting death but will not even be able to eat her whole life. The woman, a medical student, was at a bus station with her friend after watching a movie. After waiting for 30 mins they decided to take a private bus home. They got tickets from the driver and got into the bus that had 5 passengers. The passengers and driver knew each other, and passed a lewd comment about the girl. When her male friend protested, they hit him on the head with an iron rod. When the girl tried to save him, one of them beat both of them with iron rods and the rest followed suit. They then took her to the rear of the bus and took turns raping her. She defended herself and bit the hand of one of the rapists. He got so angry that he decided to teach her a lesson. After raping, they put a long iron rod inside her and pulled it out with so much force that her intestines came out. For the life of me I still cannot figure out how someone can put a rod inside someone’s private part and pull out an intestine, how is that even possible, what immense pain that girl must have gone through, the pain and the horror. The rapists then dropped off both of them naked on the outskirts – some reports say they threw out the guy before they raped the girl, and the girl was thrown out elsewhere. Someone saw and called the police, for one hour nobody helped the girl or covered her up. She was bleeding profusely and lost 1 litre of blood – 20% of the human body blood content. It is so horrifying and disturbing to read, I cannot stop thinking and feeling my blood boil at the plight of women in India. I feel like puking, so so so so terrible. I cannot imagine the pain the girl went through. It makes me think of how horrible those men must be to do this to her. What animals we reside among.

Apparently the bus wasn’t even supposed to be running, the men were out just for a joyride. They robbed some other guy an hour before who got on the bus and dropped him off in some other location. The men were drunk. The driver was actually hired to pick up and drop off school children – God knows if he did anything to the poor kids. While they were raping the woman in a moving bus, they passed three police patrols, nobody stopped the bus even though buses with tinted glasses are not allowed in Delhi.

Over the last few years, India has progressed at a very fast pace. People have more money and live a much better lifestyle. More women are working and dressing the way they want. However, the men are getting worse. Cases of foeticide, dowry demands, rape, etc. continue. Foeticide is when a female fetus is aborted because she is female. Dowry is when women’s parents have to give into monetary demands of the groom’s family on account of marriage. Due to dowry many families don’t want a female child, instead they want a male “heir”. Since the population of men now exceeds women, rape cases and atrocities on women are prevalent.

The general social stigma is that women should not “get raped” by not staying out late, wearing clothes that “cover” them, and not getting too friendly with men. A research by Tehelka goes into the minds of police officers, its horrifying how everyone blames the woman. How about shifting the focus on men? Men are the ones that need to control themselves. A lot of men in India grow up with an inflated ego and sense that they are superior to women, it is okay to commit atrocities because women have no rights. Throwing acid on their faces, beating them drunk everyday, etc. It continues. Who are the men to decide what a woman should do, wear, and stay outside till what time? Why aren’t they treated as brutally? What are they teaching their children, that a woman shouldn’t wear revealing clothing or stay out late, if they do its okay to rape? Why aren’t the cops showing the accused faces to media? Let their faces be unveiled, and let them deal with the repercussions. Had the rapists been from privileged families, I doubt this would have gotten as much media coverage.

The Delhi rape crisis has gotten many politicians to react and enact rape laws. This has been going on for many years though, and there are as many as 20 cases filed against politicians themselves. Delhi is India’s capital, but ranks highest in lack of safety especially for women. When politicians cannot take care of their own city, how can they manage the whole country? Every part of India’s “democracy” is full of corruption. In one case, a raped woman went to the police station to report, the cops raped her right there!

In a way I am grateful that I am not in India. Reading this, I don’t intend to go back to live. I always thought of Delhi as a modern city, but when I met my sister last year she told me horror stories. If you hit a car, its best to run because the car driver/owner may shoot you, if a car hits you, do the same. While the US is also bad with the recent shooting event and nani murders in NYC, I feel safe going out and I know that if I dial 911 I will have help. In India, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Cases go on for years, cops don’t write reports, there is so much social stigma associated with rape, more often than not people remark that the woman must be at fault.

I have gone out at 3am or 4am alone to the nearby Duane Reade store to pick up milk, and have felt completely safe, but its also because my area has people all the time especially on weekends. I do agree to some extent that since India does not have strong rape laws, and cases go on for years, it makes sense to self-preserve by taking some precautions – staying away from unsafe locations, not staying out late in certain areas, dressing conservatively to prevent eye-teasing if it is bothersome, etc. However, there needs to be a change in general mindset and culture, and very strict punishment for such crimes. The only way to make the country safer for women is to have strong punishment, and act on them fast, that will put the fear of God in men. Women NEED to be safe in their own home and country, its not an option. Rapes should be countered by castrating the accused in public and then hanging them till death. I say bring in medieval times for rapists where punishment for crime was brutal, hang their heads for all to see.

It really makes me worry about my parenting, my responsibilities, how important it is for me to teach my kids to respect women, and have a sense of equality. I really hope I am able to inculcate this in them, and hopefully the traditional Indian feeling that somehow women “provoke” men is something my kids will stay far far away from.

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Michael Jackson’s doctor found guilty

There is no sense of personal responsibility anymore. Michael Jackson’s doctor was found guilty of leaving him with access to a drug that he injected himself with and died. Where was MJ’s family when this happened? Knowing full well that MJ is an addict, why weren’t they around? Why does the doctor have personal responsibility and not MJ, why is MJ excused just because he is an addict?

Never having been an addict, I don’t understand how hard it is to resist. But if anybody has to be held accountable, I would say it should be MJ and his family more than his doctor. Someone has to be blamed, and the doctor is a scapegoat. MJ is so rich that had the drug not been available through the doctor, he could have easily gotten it elsewhere. While the doctor does share some blame, its disgusting how he is being held liable entirely. I hold MJ responsible for his death, he was the one who injected himself.

Its like the case where 3 kids died due to corporal punishment, and the parents blame a book they read for guiding them to punish their kids severely to the point of death. Don’t these parents have any brains? I am appalled at such parents, its disgusting.

Or the case where a girl was texting on her phone and fell into a manhole, and complained that there was no “caution” sign. Well, how about not texting while walking and seeing where you are going?

There is just no sense of personal responsibility anymore.

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AOLfree

I could not help but read more comments on the blog I found against Art of Living, and found them very amusing. People who became AOL teachers had a bad experience physically by doing the Sudarshan Kriya. That maybe true. However, most of the people who complain come across as morons. Here is why. AOL claims that Kriya can cure AIDS, Sri Sri Ravi Shanker (the founder of AOL) is actually God and that he has healing powers, Sri Sri can fix anything, etc. Why in the hell would one believe these claims? Are people so naive and desperate to believe?

In one of my AOL sessions, we watched a video of Q&A with Sri Sri. One of the questions was by an American woman who was religious and a Christian. She asked Sri Sri whether it is okay to believe in him as God since she has seen him and he brought her peace. If so, would that make her a bad Christian. I found that question to be so stupid. As I said in my previous write-up about AOL, you have to take the good and leave the bad. I have found the beauty of meditation, and every morning I start my day peacefully because of it.

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Padma Shri award

The Padma Shri Award is given for the best contributors to art aka popular people who produce best sellers — the award is nothing but a famewhore. It is given only to popular people, and has nothing to do with art. See the recipients this year:

• Film = Danny Boyle. What DB produced was great and an Oscar winner, and I liked the film, but which other films were considered?
• Art = HIMESH RESHAMIYYA. Yes none other than nasal “singer” Himesh. Please hold while I barf. BARF. I cannot believe it. Ugh ugh ugh. I take back my rant on Chetan Bhagat winning for writing – if Himesh can win it for singing…OMG. This guy’s songs used to play all day on B4 channel, with that dumb cap on his head, and I hated him and his songs. He probably slept with the right people to get ahead because his songs sure weren’t the reason. He probably owned the channel.
• Literature = Chetan Bhagat. Undeserved due to his writing style, but his die-hard fans *ahem AM & my brother* would beg to disagree.
• TV = Cyrus Broacha. I LOVE LOVE Cyrus — he is soo funny and under-rated due to his peer Sajid Khan aka Farah Khan’s brother. Sajid is not funny and quite annoying, but his sister gets him places.
• Sports = Mandira Bedi. Barf. I HATE Mandira with a passion – she is over-rated to the nth degree. Something about her puts me off. She is not interesting and too in-the-face. She wins for sports because she is a cricket commentator. Whatever happened to awarding real sports, you know, people who actually PLAY the game?

So yeah the award is complete BS.

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Corporate America sucks

Corporate America sucks. Big time. You get hardly any holidays and are worked to the brim. Corporate American culture is like a parasite — it sucks all the blood out of you till it bleeds you dry. First of all, the country has no culture to boast of so no holidays to accompany that. Hardly any national holidays. Then you have 11 sick days and 15 days holidays. My company has 17 paid-time off which includes sick days — although the summer Fridays are a BIG perk and unheard of. Second, people are just spokes of a wheel to management. While every spoke is needed to get the wheel to turn, management feels free to move the spokes around at will. In the process management forgets that these are people, not spokes. If you talk to management, you are given a crap-and-bull story bla bla bla. Management will nod their heads and agree with you, empathize with you, but do nothing about it. It maybe that they don’t have the power to do anything. All the business school crap that you read about motivation, communication, managerial skills, promotion, bla bla is all pure crap. I have not come across a single company that is not governed by office politics in these matters. Office politics – the biggest evil.

Europeans are the best. East Europeans have the maximum number of holidays and then Europeans. Italians don’t work in summer and go away on vacation. They close their workplace at 3pm!!! Ah the luxury… Canadians have the fewest holidays, then Chinese, then Americans. But China and Canada have more national holidays and their workplace is not as parasitic/vampire-like as America’s. This culture is spreading… multi-nationals in India follow American rules, but the average work time in India is 10 to 5. So even though people work Saturdays, the work hours are better. My British friend went to Tony Robbins’ conference, convinced her husband to go with her, and GOT HER COMPANY TO PAY saying that she had to go for motivational reasons. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? And she kept telling me to do it too!!!

Bloggers from my fav blog, http://www.apartmenttherapy.com, were in Europe for a conference. All the Europeans went out for drinks and had fun after the conference while Americans went up to their rooms and wrote for their blogs late in the night. Why do American lives revolve around work so much? Why do people live and breathe for work? Work is just one dimension of life — it is not life itself. I used to care deeply about my work – I still do – its hard not to care about something you spend most of your time and life with. But I have grown to understand that work is not everything – its just work. Like AM says, work is work, it is not supposed to be fun. Its just one aspect of life. It can be as big or as small as you want it to be.

Only in American culture is it common to visit shrinks. Clearly, people need it. With such a culture, stresses of everyday life, lack of appreciation, rude people to deal with, poor customer service, life is a bitch. All of this is manifold if you live in New York.

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Wendy Williams show

The worst show in TV history — Wendy Williams show. The woman prepares pages and pages of things to talk about and discusses everyday celebrity stuff. She is so annoying. And people watch her… OMG!!! What is with this country and Americans? How can they watch such a crappy show? She is the new Tyra for Joel McHale in The Soup.

10-11pm is the worst and most boring time of the day. There is nothing on basic cable. Jay Leno show on NBC — now I know the guy is not funny, his writers were. He has zero sense of humor, and his show worked only because his writers were good. Not that I watched his show regularly. I just saw clips in cabs which seemed very funny. Yawn. Wendy Williams show on channel 9. News on Fox and CW11. WTF am I supposed to watch? Thank God the cable guy is coming over tomorrow to upgrade my service.

I wanted to go out with friends but one of them has her in-laws over for Diwali — hopefully next week. I am so bored… yawn. Two more weeks to go.

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Ages…

Its been ages since I last wrote here… ages. I have been sooooo busy these days with the renovation and work. I got a haircut today and my hair stylist, as always an advocate of letting my hair frizz stay, and I always want to straighten it out. Straight hair is easier to maintain, falls less (he says its a misconception), and is less entangled. Frizzy hair gets entangled and is all over the face. I have thick unmanageable hair, and straight hair keeps it out of the way — I don’t need to wash my hair everyday if I straighten it out. But I have this debate every single time I get a haircut. My hair stylist is awesome and after trying several places including well-known ones, I found him and have remained loyal.

I had dinner at Vatan, my fav Indian place. I went all by myself since AM is in India. I miss him a lot although its just been 2 days, but it was nice to go there — AM does not like Vatan. The waitress was like “you are all alone all by yourself”… duh — this is New York. Women wine and dine alone as and when they please.

My renovation has hit a standstill. We found a riser 12” wide in a wall — I was supposed to have an entrance there and not cannot because the 12 inch riser which is really the exhaust for the kitchen in the entire building blocks the way. There is a riser in the middle and on the side, so I cannot move the entrance by a few inches left or right. The only way is to move the riser or change the entire plan. I am quite bummed with the options — the room sizes are reduced a lot. Plus the space is less open. But I can do whatever I want in the bathroom and have it whatever size. I prefer the old plan. The building Super says I cannot move it. I told the building managing agent that they did not inform me and I have to incur costs of starting the process from scratch and breaking the wall. I am hoping that blaming the building will compel them to allow me to move the riser. Wishful thinking I guess… my contractor says to threaten to sue them. Not a bad idea — I could pose as a lawyer. Maybe that will move the needle.

Does anyone feel like slapping Nigel of America’s Next Top Model? He always talks like he needs to drink water… you know how your mouth is dry and you have to drink water else you use a specific tone… hard to explain. Anyway, Nigel bugs me. He sucks up to Tyrant Fangs all the time, and I cannot stand him. He is half Sri Lankan. The brings me to Tyrant Fangs – I mean Tyra Banks — she looks and behaves like Cruella Devil. She has lost weight this season though and looks much better. But she is annoying, and the highest paid actress in primetime TV — $30 million per year. I mean, what kind of a loser watches her talk show? Her crazy antics? OMG!! I cannot cannot stand her. Anytime she is on the screen, AM leaves the room. He cannot stand her and Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex & the City. Seriously, Tyrant’s show is sooooo dumb. Who the F watches it?

While commuting to my old workplace, I passed Tyrant’s studio and saw a long line of people waiting to be let into her studio in the morning. I would rather stay late in bed. The woman is crazy.

Its so lonely without AM — I miss him terribly. He left on Wed, and I could not sleep and was bored to death. Somehow even though we may not chat, I may watch TV or surf the net, we may be in separate rooms, it makes a BIG difference just knowing he is around. Even if he may come in late from work, just waiting for him is enough. Now I don’t feel like watching TV or surfing the net. I am so used to him and without him its so hard.

Life is hard. People who renovate need to literally leave their jobs because main places are open only on weekdays 8:30/9 to 5/5:30. I was late today — I had to go to Blackman, a plumbing store. Customer service is non-existent in NY… extremely poor. Salespeople at Blackman don’t even have the courtesy and are not even service-oriented enough to change their voicemail – their voicemail says they are open on Saturdays, their website says that, but they are short-staffed and are not open on weekends. The building doorman told me last Saturday that 30+ people had come to the store that morning and he had to turn them away. He told them to change their voicemail but they are too lazy. I mean its just a voicemail. Tells a lot about customer service. No wonder people buy online. People go to stores to view products and buy for best prices and convenience online. I plan to do the same for some products — I don’t trust the Internet.

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Confusion galore…

Yesterday I went to a designer friend’s home to seek ideas for my renovation. Her place is gorgeous! She put so much thought into every small detail… and it shows. I realized that there is so much more out there that I have not considered. She used a Japanese theme throughout her apartment, with wood lines throughout, black furniture, Japanese style doors, and natural influences. Every item was gorgeous, well thought out, and expensive! While I don’t intend to spend even half as much, I found her tips useful: have a theme for your apartment, everything should have a flow and connect, etc. Till now I was thinking of everything separately – kitchen, bathroom, master bedroom, etc. I did not think of it all as one whole that should connect in some way. So complicated. There are so many choices that I cannot make a single decision. Last week I decided on tiles, but now am not so convinced.

I thought that maybe I should consider natural because the friend’s home was calm because of it, but that is not my aesthetic taste. I like contemporary, and no matter how many pictures I see online of natural stuff, I really like the contemporary stuff even though its “fake”. BTW she is not really a friend – she is AM’s boss’ wife… she lived in one of those high-fy Park Avenue apartments, and moved to Central Park West two years back and renovated the place. I mean, she replaced a Wolf cooktop ($$$) with a Gagganeau one because she did not like the look of it. Ahhh the luxury. Her view is of the central park boathouse and you can see the boats, river, semi-nude people sun-bathing, people cycling, and feel the cool breeze… The view was so awesome and breathtaking.

I am going to make my designer work overtime. She has not helped me at all, and its very frustrating. One more chance, and if she is not helpful, I will replace her. She doesn’t make good recommendations. I asked her about window blinds, and she recommended $1,000 worth per blind per window. Is she crazy? Like I have bags of money under my mattress or something. The first time she came over to my apartment she brought two people to take measurements, and she brought her kid with her. How unprofessional is that? And I pay her per hour!!! The measurements were completely wrong, and now my contractor has to take them again before construction starts. I have not heard one good thing about any architect and designer that friends have used. Not one good thing. I am so confused right now. Contruction will start in 3-4 weeks, and I don’t have everything ready yet. Hopefully everything will fall in place.

Its like people who work cannot get a renovation done, because stores are hardly open on weekends. They open from 9-5, and weekends some are closed and some are 9-4. How the hell are you supposed to get things done? In this economy, you would think they would want to make some money…

Sometimes I think I have two jobs. Obviously AM is aesthetically challenged, so I have to make all decisions, and I want to make sure that everything is perfect. He keeps telling me that its okay to make mistakes, but I feel so strongly about getting everything right. Today I was excitedly going about checking out tiles, etc., and AM sat on the couch in the store and played with his Blackberry. Sigh… men!!!

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Time Warner Cable inefficiencies

How shall I tell thee of the inefficiencies of Time Warner Cable? Did the MBA degrees from Ivy Leagues amount to nothing that the management is so dumb? Will TWC be another company swallowed by recession due to inability to handle size and inefficiencies?

I wanted cable installed in my new apartment, and scheduled an appointment with TWC for 6-9pm. Its amazing how every time I schedule any appointment with companies, servicemen come at the last minute. So the TWC guy came at 9pm exact. There was some issue with cable in one room, so I asked him to walk across into another room and install it there. But he could not do that because the instructions did not say so. I called the company but they would not budge. They asked me to reschedule. Such a bunch of morons running the company! I have heard from others how TWC would rather you reschedule than add to/remove from instructions. They probably end up paying a lot of money on customer service calls and servicemen. In India, I would just put a Rs. 100 note in the guy’s hand and he would do the needful. Not so here. I have been using TWC for years, but maybe its time for a change. I had sworn off Verizon due to their crappy service 5 years back, but maybe its time to reconsider since Verizon is the best.

Two years back my Internet service went caput. I called to schedule a service, but TWC could not send someone for a week!!! If there is one thing I cannot live without, its the Internet, and I am not the only one. In a recent study, Internet is the last thing people would give up in recession. Anyway,I tried really really hard to get TWC to send someone earlier. I spoke to the supervisor and called several times to speak with different people in the hope that someone would have mercy. Embarrassingly enough, I even pretend-cried on the phone saying that I needed to work from home, to no avail. I am sure they must be used to people acting crazy on the phone – people have admitted as much on forums about crying for TWC to resolve Internet issues at the earliest. To TWC’s credit, I have not had any more repair issues in five years – I hope I did not jinx it!

I subscribed to T1 at Starbucks and used Internet there till I got my service. Its kind of silly but I cannot spend a single day without the Internet. The only time I can do without is when I am in India, where it takes ages for pages to load unless I use it early in the morning. I am from a small town and my parents rarely access the Internet, so service sucks.

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